Kirk's Book Reviews

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Kirk Houghton

Author of The Dividing Lines and Bad Things to Good People

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Bad Things to Good People
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Extract from The Hair Stealer's Journal, the second short story from Bad Things to Good People

In year five of primary school, we kept a guinea pig. The teacher created a rota and a different kid had to feed and change its water on a daily basis. One day, a woman from the RSPCA arrived to give a talk on animal welfare. She encouraged us to pass the guinea pig amongst ourselves. When it came to me, I squeezed it so hard its eyes popped out.

Have you ever seen a rodent’s eye sockets? There’s hardly anything behind the eyes – just small holes and a bit of gooey substance.

The girl next to me screamed in horror and I can remember the scene quite well. Her chair scraped along the floor and everyone looked over. The RSPCA woman put a hand to her mouth in shock. Our teacher marched over and dragged me out of the room by the arm.

The next day I had to see a counsellor. The lady asked why I did it and I couldn’t think of anything, so I said Dad was interfering with me at home. It wasn’t true, but it got me off the hook and taken into social care.

Living with Dad used to annoy me. He said Mum dropped me on my head as a baby and ran off after a nervous breakdown. It didn’t stop him drinking and bringing women home every night. Sometimes I’d hear him between the walls and try to spy through the bedroom door. One time I crept into his room and watched him and his lady friend as they slept in bed. The idea of smashing their heads in occurred to me; instead, I took one of her socks and a brown hair from the bed.

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